Whoa

Chaos.

That is what my life is right now.  

First, Shelby - she has reflux, is on Zantac and soon to be Prevacid (depending on how things go with me stopping dairy).  She sleeps in a wonderful little bed called the "Nap Nanny" which is a big car seat-shaped foam with a cover over it that sleeps the baby at a 45 degree angle... perfect for keeping milkies in their tummy where it belongs and not all over the floor where it would launch from inside the bassinet, which then led to 3 hours of crying.  It hasn't been a fun first 6 weeks.

I will say that she is improving!  She seems happier in between feedings during the day and is sleeping pretty good at night with only one or two feedings and no crying but immediate sleep afterwards (yay!).  She is a very sweet baby.  I'm so in love with her.  I think she looks more and more like Rowan every day.

Picture this:

Since I haven't been taking many lately.

All 3 kids hungry, screaming, demanding.  

I scramble to throw cheerios at one child, a banana at another while running around my kitchen to make something healthy like microwaving instant oatmeal all while nursing a baby.

And that's just breakfast. 

Today, I actually sat at the table nursed the baby, fed Sarah her oatmeal with the other free hand while yelling at Rowan to stop running around the living room with those blueberries and SIT DOWN (please).

Miracles.

And despite the mess of it all, in this life experience of raising these young babies, 

I can't deny how I've been so blessed.

I was never able to breast feed.  I had issues and problems a mile long with it.  I just used a pump and the milk ran out and that was it.  What a blessing it's been for me this time around.  I can't imagine more bottles, more dishes, more stuff to pack around in my "suitcase" of a diaper bag.  Waking up in the middle of the night to make a bottle going up and down my stairs at 2 am.  Taking the time every 2-3 hours to actually sit.  Something I wouldn't normally do as I was queen of the "bottle prop/blanket" and continue on with my busyness, stopping to burp, cuddle, and kiss and back to work.

It definitely presents a few inconveniences as Rowan has figured out my immobility and finds every way imaginable to get in trouble.  He's got such a sly little smile when I sit to nurse her and I see his little wheels turning!  I have to "set the scene" by putting on baby einstein for Sarah and getting a book or activity for Rowan and I to do. Lately we've just been talking (my favorite) and Rowan now knows how to distinguish between who is a boy and who is a girl.  My favorite is when I ask, "What's Sarah?" and he smiles, thinks for a minute, then carefully answers, "He's a girl!" or "What's Daddy?" and he pats his chest with his hand and says with such enthusiasm, "He's a boy TOO!"  Like he's just made the connection that they are the same.

Or like today, when I was loading them all back into the car from lunch and I am yelling at Rowan to get in his seat, cursing under my breath "Dang it" when he gets in the seat and I can't get the straps done up because he's in the tiny little 3rd row of our SUV and I have to reach over the back seat to strap him in.  But I really have to stretch when he's sitting on all the straps and I have to work them around his little body!

But today, a sweet little man heard me and asked if everything was alright.  I said it was and he started looking in my car at all the car seats and asked how many were in there!

In the space of a few moments of conversation, I can't tell you how many times he told me "thank you for doing this", "thank you for raising those sweet children", "God bless you for what you are doing for them".  He told me he came from a family of 17 children.  It isn't very often we mothers receive such profuse gratitude.

And, I have amazing friends who jump right in there to feed one of my kids at lunchtime so I can enjoy not only my food but the chance to be out with other adults.  Friends that will hold a baby or a hand of one to cross the parking lot or load one or two in the car.  Friends that will encourage me day after day after day and tell me I'm doing a great job and say things like "If anyone can do it, you can".  Friends that bring me dinner, offer to take a kid or two, or actually come over to my house and sit with them so I can go to a doctor's appointment.

I am so truly blessed.

And, my most precious miracle of all is my sweet husband.  Without him to come home night after night (after a looong day of either commuting to Long Beach, over an hour each way, or dealing with the stresses and woes of our little business) he comes in with a smile on his face, teasing Rowan and holding Sarah while he scarfs down a little dinner (the frozen rice and veggies from Trader Joe's I've managed to make 15 minutes before), I don't know how I would survive.

He puts these kids to bed every night.  He puts on jammies, he changes diapers.  On the weekends he takes them to the gym or loads them up in the bike trailer and takes them for a ride.  He goes outside almost every night and teaches Rowan how to kick the ball or takes him out on a walk to see the frogs, collect snails, and throw rocks in the water.

When Shelby was at her worst and I was dealing with her crying from 2am to 5am, he went to bed early so that I could get up with her, feed her and pass her off to him so I could go right back to sleep and he would rock her and console her for those 3 hours.  That happened to be the night she started sleeping! (lucky him!)

I'm so blessed to be sharing this experience with him.  So blessed that he loves me so much he would do all this for me and more.  I don't think I've met anyone as dedicated as him.  To our marriage and kids, to our families, to his job, to providing a life for us that can be overwhelming and back-breaking!  I am so blessed and so lucky to have this life and the amazing people around me to share it with.