so, I know we all feel like "bad moms" some days...
so it's reassuring to know I'm not alone,
but today is one of those days!!
***
So, I'm at Trader Joe's,
and needing to stock up after a 2 week vacation
and only a short hour to do it in with 3 kids in tow...
(you can imagine my distracted little mind)
So...
I open the back of the car, roll the cart up close and Rowan jumps in
while I'm buckling up my little Shelby to throw her on my back in my Ergo...
I've talked a lot about how wonderful this baby carrier is when you can
easily take a baby from front to back.
But today it went wrong!
I can swing her around in that thing with ease, but today...
before I could get it completely on and snapped
she fell out of it, from my back where I had NO arms to catch her
onto the PAVEMENT!!!!
Everyone always says it feels like slow motion in the moment
something traumatic is happening and it's true.
I remember feeling the slowness of her falling and I could feel her
slipping and I had NO arms to reach for her.
She landed on her back.
It was a "thud" no mother ever EVER EVER wants to
remember or EVER hear AGAIN!!!
Of course she screamed and started crying,
so I grabbed her and ran to the passenger side of the car
to console her and nervously check her body for bumps, bruises, or worse.
Of course, someone (and I'm sure more)
SAW this traumatic event and she came to my car
asking me if the baby was ok, that she saw the "horrible fall"
(ugh!!!! Did she really say horrible?)
She gave me an ice pack from her car and it was very sweet, so I was grateful.
These are the moments that you sit with your racing thoughts, &
screaming child, and wonder WHAT to do??
Call 911, head straight to the ER, what??
Luckily, I had some medical instincts kick in and I checked her eyes.
Totally fine, crying, but normal looking.
Then checked her head, totally fine...
it took me about a hundred times of feeling her head,
Rowan's head, Sarah's head, MY head to compare that it was all
relatively the same - and no bumps.
Little tiny body, fine. No broken bones that I could feel or tender spots.
DO I honestly just go about my shopping now?!?
Well, I did.
She stopped crying almost immediately, perked up
and started her "daddaddada" and trying to touch everything at Trader Joe's...
I saw a good friend in the parking lot shortly thereafter SAID horrible FALL... and she
totally reassured me how resilient babies are... so thank you, Tiffany!
I went about my day, getting my babysitter so that I could get a much needed
haircut... and of course, I strongly coached my sitter to call me if there was
ANY sign of weirdness from Shelby... any crying, any color change in her face
anything... I even made her check her every 20 minutes during her nap.
All the while, knowing that I could never forgive myself if anything ever happened to her while I was out selfishly getting
my haircut and she had a concussion or something.
I called my poor sitter so. many. times.
Shelby was fine. Shelby is totally fine. She was laughing and giggling
and splashing in her bath like her usual happy little self.
Eating her much loved broccoli and turkey with cheese.
This made me think so hard today about our little ones
and how quickly accidents can happen.
We try so hard, as mothers, to constantly protect. protect. protect.
And 99% of the time, they are protected!
But what a terrible, awful, helpless feeling that 1% time when you can't protect them.
I don't want to feel that way again.
I'm scared to think that I will.
Yet, I know that I will... I hate to think of them growing up
with their little independence and less available to my protection.
I have to say, I've cried a lot today about this little incident.
I played with her and kissed her and held her in a more grateful and
deeply appreciating way today.
And thanked a loving Father in Heaven for blessing me
with so many precious gifts.
And, I'm never going to use my beloved Ergo backside out in the open
without sitting down... again.
"only one time. not two times, but just one time".
***
The above was another "bad mom day" -
this time with Rowan-
I put all my kids down for a nap and set Rowan up to play quietly
in his room with his books.
(isn't that how is always is, SETTING up your child to be entertained
slash distracted so you can do "other" things? seriously... bad bad mommy.)
I then ran next door, literally... next door
to my neighbor's house to show her something
and was gone all of 20 minutes when I came back to a
screaming, terrified, shaken little boy, sobbing so hard his body was shaking!
Seriously, WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. ME?!
I held him, cried with him, told him I was sorry
(he was crying because he said,
"I was looking for you, Mommy and you were goooonnnee")
I told him I would never do that again and he said,
"ok, only one time, mommy. Not two times, just only do it one time"
Yes, Rowan... this was the only time!
ok, enough... there's been too many "bad mommy" days in my book.
and I need to run upstairs and kiss all my sleeping babes.
'night!
so it's reassuring to know I'm not alone,
but today is one of those days!!
***
So, I'm at Trader Joe's,
and needing to stock up after a 2 week vacation
and only a short hour to do it in with 3 kids in tow...
(you can imagine my distracted little mind)
So...
I open the back of the car, roll the cart up close and Rowan jumps in
while I'm buckling up my little Shelby to throw her on my back in my Ergo...
I've talked a lot about how wonderful this baby carrier is when you can
easily take a baby from front to back.
But today it went wrong!
I can swing her around in that thing with ease, but today...
before I could get it completely on and snapped
she fell out of it, from my back where I had NO arms to catch her
onto the PAVEMENT!!!!
Everyone always says it feels like slow motion in the moment
something traumatic is happening and it's true.
I remember feeling the slowness of her falling and I could feel her
slipping and I had NO arms to reach for her.
She landed on her back.
It was a "thud" no mother ever EVER EVER wants to
remember or EVER hear AGAIN!!!
Of course she screamed and started crying,
so I grabbed her and ran to the passenger side of the car
to console her and nervously check her body for bumps, bruises, or worse.
Of course, someone (and I'm sure more)
SAW this traumatic event and she came to my car
asking me if the baby was ok, that she saw the "horrible fall"
(ugh!!!! Did she really say horrible?)
She gave me an ice pack from her car and it was very sweet, so I was grateful.
These are the moments that you sit with your racing thoughts, &
screaming child, and wonder WHAT to do??
Call 911, head straight to the ER, what??
Luckily, I had some medical instincts kick in and I checked her eyes.
Totally fine, crying, but normal looking.
Then checked her head, totally fine...
it took me about a hundred times of feeling her head,
Rowan's head, Sarah's head, MY head to compare that it was all
relatively the same - and no bumps.
Little tiny body, fine. No broken bones that I could feel or tender spots.
DO I honestly just go about my shopping now?!?
Well, I did.
She stopped crying almost immediately, perked up
and started her "daddaddada" and trying to touch everything at Trader Joe's...
I saw a good friend in the parking lot shortly thereafter SAID horrible FALL... and she
totally reassured me how resilient babies are... so thank you, Tiffany!
I went about my day, getting my babysitter so that I could get a much needed
haircut... and of course, I strongly coached my sitter to call me if there was
ANY sign of weirdness from Shelby... any crying, any color change in her face
anything... I even made her check her every 20 minutes during her nap.
All the while, knowing that I could never forgive myself if anything ever happened to her while I was out selfishly getting
my haircut and she had a concussion or something.
I called my poor sitter so. many. times.
Shelby was fine. Shelby is totally fine. She was laughing and giggling
and splashing in her bath like her usual happy little self.
Eating her much loved broccoli and turkey with cheese.
This made me think so hard today about our little ones
and how quickly accidents can happen.
We try so hard, as mothers, to constantly protect. protect. protect.
And 99% of the time, they are protected!
But what a terrible, awful, helpless feeling that 1% time when you can't protect them.
I don't want to feel that way again.
I'm scared to think that I will.
Yet, I know that I will... I hate to think of them growing up
with their little independence and less available to my protection.
I have to say, I've cried a lot today about this little incident.
I played with her and kissed her and held her in a more grateful and
deeply appreciating way today.
And thanked a loving Father in Heaven for blessing me
with so many precious gifts.
And, I'm never going to use my beloved Ergo backside out in the open
without sitting down... again.
"only one time. not two times, but just one time".
***
The above was another "bad mom day" -
this time with Rowan-
I put all my kids down for a nap and set Rowan up to play quietly
in his room with his books.
(isn't that how is always is, SETTING up your child to be entertained
slash distracted so you can do "other" things? seriously... bad bad mommy.)
I then ran next door, literally... next door
to my neighbor's house to show her something
and was gone all of 20 minutes when I came back to a
screaming, terrified, shaken little boy, sobbing so hard his body was shaking!
Seriously, WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. ME?!
I held him, cried with him, told him I was sorry
(he was crying because he said,
"I was looking for you, Mommy and you were goooonnnee")
I told him I would never do that again and he said,
"ok, only one time, mommy. Not two times, just only do it one time"
Yes, Rowan... this was the only time!
ok, enough... there's been too many "bad mommy" days in my book.
and I need to run upstairs and kiss all my sleeping babes.
'night!
8 comments:
Oh Kristy! I know exactly how you feel. While shopping with my 4 little ones Max was in the front of the basket and Izabelle was sitting in the back. I don't like her to walk cuz she wanders. We stopped to look at something and Max was crying and needed his binki. So Izabelle stood up and gave it to him and as she sat down she sat on the edge of the basket and fell out backwards onto the concrete floor head first. Same thing for me, everything went slow but I wasn't fast enough to get around to stop her. When I picked her up I could tell she wasn't ok and the panic sets in with do I call 911 or just take her to the ER. Well looking back I wish I would have called 911 but I just rushed her to the ER where she ended up with a concussion. It was a long couple of days but she is totally fine now! HORRIBLE MOMMY DAY! I completely understand what your going through! :)
omg, kristy, you poor thing. the thing is, you are not a bad mom. not for one second. you just have a LOT on your plate, and you're doing the best you can. i still cannot believe you can put her in the ergo at that age. my kids would freak if i tried that at that age cuz they wanna be on their own, walking, destroying, etc. i can relate, cuz these things happen to all of us. so glad she's okay and knwo that you are a good mom!
I know nothing we can say will take away the guilt completely, but please know you are not alone!! I have had so many similar "bad mommy moments" that I deserve a "bad mommy medal" of some sort! Definitely been there, done that.
I'm so glad your little girl was okay! :) And I bet your son forgave you pretty quick!
I'm glad to hear that Shelby was okay and that Rowan moved on quickly. Kristy, you are such an amazing mommy to those three adorable children. They have no idea how lucky they are and you write so poignantly about how we all feel when we have those "bad mommy" days. We ALL have them and will unfortunately have more. The only good thing about them is that that we learn from them. The fear of my boys having freedom terrifies me yet I know how important it to to them and their development.
Why didn't anyone tell us these sides of motherhood when we were pregnant?!!
Naomi broke her leg. Need I say any more to help you feel better?! Haha
Kristy, I was seriously just having a bad-mommy-day-morning and it was so refreshing to read your blog and know that other women who are AWESOME mommies understand. You seriously amaze me with all of the balls you keep in the air and your kiddos are so lucky to have you. So glad to hear that Shelby is completely fine. Hope today is a better day:)
Oh Kristy, I am so sorry to hear this. i had one of these moments a couple months ago, so i know exactly how you feel. So, so sorry. But.... don't let it get you down cuz you are a fantabulous mommy to those three little babes of yours.
We had so much fun with all of you while you were here. Sounds like you made it home... Can't wait to see you guys again, we already miss you to pieces! Give the kiddos kisses from Aunti KayC and Uncle Kendal.
Loves,
KayCe
Oh, girl. I'm so sorry. I remember when Sienna was a newborn. I was up in the middle of the night, nursing on the couch and must have fallen asleep. I just remember waking up, hearing a muffled cry and she was on the floor, next to the couch. She had totally fallen out of my arms and onto the floor. And I'll be honest, I have no idea if it had just happened or not. I woke up in such a panic and then felt like the world's worst mom! But she was fine. And you know what? They will never remember these horrible moments that will live in our memories forever! I'm glad she was ok. P.S. I see all these pics of your little family and you just amaze me. I don't know how you do it all!
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